So, I’ve had another one of those things I like to call mind blips.
I call them that because well, it’s sort of… an irregularity in my head, or at the very least, it doesn’t happen all the time.
The ordinary became mind boggling, and well, to be frank, quite frightening.
“People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually – from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint – it’s more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly… timey wimey… stuff.”
On the subject of time do I speak. *insert little, wise, Yoda noises*
I like planning my future. I like every single moment, every day, week, year, and beyond to be planned to some extent.
To counter that, I’m terrible with writing in planners, as my mom likes to point out, but I suppose that could be because I go straight to the calendar and draw lines on it, connecting the days. Watching. Waiting.
So this Sunday led to yet another realization that, “Oh snap! My time here is finite!” The idea that summer would be here and gone was one reason that I started to delve into time.
To emphasize my point, I will start with the wise words of… the 12th Doctor.
“Cut along, you’re running out of time.” “For what?” “Everything. Human beings have incredibly short life spans.”
And it’s quite true, at least, pertaining to life here on earth.
Oh, and also, before I go on, that’s two Doctor Who quotes in a matter of sentences. I’ve reached my quota, and I promise I’ll stop there.
Sunday was this ideal moment. I was kind of on a spiritual high after enrolling with the Angelic Warfare Confraternity, and prepared to do just about anything. I was laying out my plans for the near future for my dad to hear while driving home from Youth Night, when something prompted me to ask him about… well, his life.
Curiosity. A desire to actually learn something more about the great man that had and still continues to raise me to this very day? Worry about an uncertain future? There were a lot of reasons for my asking him. I can’t help wondering what would have happened had I not made that decision to ask him. He’d probably still remain a sort of… mystery.
If I’ve managed to reach any younger readers (but then again, we’re all young at heart, some more than others, so this goes to everybody), I’d encourage you all to take time to learn who your parents were and are today. It’s a good exercise in learning family history, and understanding the growth process that they took. I still need to get around to talking to my mom though. I should write a reminder on that somewhere…
My dad has seen a lot in his lifetime, and there’s always those depressing thoughts you get about the eventuality of its running out, but sometimes you’ve got to push past them to… find out more.
Time. Gift and burden? It’s got to run out somewhere, right?
I… had an aunt. Or would have. I never knew her. She was young when she died. Apparently she resembled my sister quite a bit. It’s hard to reconcile those images. My dad, here and now, had a sister that he lost when he was much younger. Almost… 30 years ago.
Then again, I had an older brother who I never met. He’s gone too. No wait… not gone. Never gone. No indeed. He’s somewhere. I can only pray that he’s still watching and interceding for me.
Maybe I’m a bit of a disappointment to him… or maybe, that’s just a terrible lie. Yep, I’m continuing this thought in another post, I promise you, it will happen. Something like… “Who Is Great Enough?” for a preliminary title.
Back to this one though. There goes my planning mind.
In the midst of sadness, there’s still that joyful news. My aunt and brother are dead, but not truly gone. I imagine them beyond the veil, off into the West, up out of the shadowlands of old Narnia into Aslan’s country.
In case you have any doubts, I’m just making analogies. Don’t worry, the line between reality and stories isn’t blurred in my head too badly. Still, it’s nice to live in a world of fairy tales. Death would probably be preferable to a world without books. BUT I should be talking about time here.
Perfect timing music is perfect. “Live Like We’re Dying” – Kris Allen
Time in all its complexity, from every blinking moment to the next, is filled with consequences, what ifs, and triumphs untold. I’m just a tiny – no, quite – no, terrifically – yes, terrifically terrified of it. It’s moving almost faster than the Flash.
This Sunday, and really any day that I’m with my St. Gertrude people, were more opportunities along my timeline to continue in growth. To dare to join and unite with others that I interact with. More moments to cherish. More moments to figure out. Now I’m rambling about moments, and probably blearily wasting some of my own. Eh, it happens. It’s like a record of a story.
Stories and time. Here we are at last, at the point I’ve really been wanting to talk about. The Golden (or Magic) Thread was a thought provoking story about this kid who basically tries to skip every bad moment of his life using a magic thread, but in doing so, he hasn’t really savored the good, and wastes what time he has on earth. He watches as his children grow and leave him, his mother dies, and he and his wife rapidly age, speeding to their graves.
So that’s what I was thinking about, speeding off down the highway in the darkness of the night.
That led to my asking my dad about his life, to my thoughts on my long deceased relatives, to actually attempting to write this ongoing story to give to everyone who’s affected my life in some way. Some possibly unapproved cameos will be had, naturally, but I get the feeling of wanting to leave something tangible for people.
See, this is basically a small glimpse into my head. I try to stick to the subject of time, and I’m pretty sure I failed to stay on task. Still, every dot is connected somehow, in some ways that might not yet be seen.
Just watch, and keep living every moment. Reach out to others while you can, because…
Time flies. Faster than you’d ever expect or want. As my dad says, “Make every second count.”
Now I need to make sure that I actually do.
On that note, I bid thee all a good night.